FUCK SOMETHING EXPERIMENT: SUCKING MY OWN COCK AND EATING MY OWN SEMENPosted by: Bob
What happens when George becomes just a little too curious? This is what I'm talking about. For centuries man has foolishly been depending on women and men, sometimes even animals and vacuum cleaners for oral pleasure. Maybe even one of those blow-up dolls with the mouth that accomodates a penis, you know. We've all emulated that face with our mothers makeup and wig (including me!) so I can safely assume we're all on the same level now.
They all have their flaws. Most women have the fellatio technique of an electric sander with downs syndrome and men insist, fucking INSIST on doing that hand-flapping shit when going down south. What the hell is that, you faggot? I can't work with that. Animals gag too much, especially hamsters and my personal favourite, goldfish. Also I'll never recommend a bear because you will always feel the teeth of that particularly inexperienced beast. Oh, and sticking your meat into a hoover will result in a deadly game of hoover-sex and really, what kind of freak are you, vacuum-fucker?
Someone once said "everything requires a personal touch!" and whoever said that will no doubtly hate me for using it in this context. There's nothing wrong with corporeal love, future fellatio fans so make sure you never let your family forget that!
FAMILY: "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHD.. OH MY GOD, PUT YOUR LEGS DOWN!!"
On with the experiment..
It was a fine sunday morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining and my penis was erecting like a fine Twin Towers tribute. I stumbled to my computer and decided the best thing to do would be to relieve myself over pictures of clowns in compromising positions. Twenty minutes passed. Here is a blow-by-blow (PRECIOUS PUN!) account of what transpired afterwards:
8:20am: Still haven't banged it out. These clowns aren't as erotic as I first imagined.CONCLUSION: I need to introduce more fruit into my diet and wash the crud from underneath my foreskin off as often as once a week.
WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS TO YOUR FRIEND(S): Yes.