Is There a Crisis in the Priesthood?By: Ass-Slapper
Of course not! Our Catholic Church community is stronger, better, and cleaner than ever! Gone are the days of sanctioned Indian slaughtering, book burning, witch burnings, and anti-homosexuality - our church is a lean, mean, worship machine - and we want you!
There has never been a better time to join the flock and become a priest. Haven't you heard the hard core Christians? Jesus is doing some awesome things, and its time for you to come aboard! We know you've heard the stories"Priest's can't get married," "Priest's have to study all day," and "Priest's have no fun." Oh really? One of the first things a young priest is drawn to is our enormous list of extra curricular activities!
For the healtyh conscious Father, every Church is outfitted with the most modern weightlifting equipment, to keep you fit and healthy - God's word needs some muscle! A weightlifting novice? Bring a friend or two - there's plenty of equipment to go around!
Feel the burn!
Another favorite is our Wednesday Mix 'N' Mingle, where priests gather to meet, discuss, and laugh, all while enjoying a sumptuous seven course meal - all while our very own Vatican brass trio plays your favorite tunes in the background. If you're a musician, get up on stage and join in the fun - at the Catholic church, anything goes!
Nothing beats a little champagne and a bowtie brass band - Catholicism rocks!
For those priests who prefer a more hands on approach, our community outreach program is top notch. Basketball, wrestling, the choices are limitless - you will be working with inner city kids all over the world, showing them just what the Catholic church is all about. Go get 'em, tiger!
Nothing like relaxing after a hard workout. Our priest's can sure work up a sweat, yo!
And, of course, who can forget our monthly faith conferences, where priest's and nun's gather to embrace the church, and what it stands for. With Twister and Euchre tournaments, you never know what will happen!
This is the kind of discipline that only a couple of millennia can give you!
This isn't some fly by night Baptist organization, or a thrown together Hindi shindig - this is the Catholic Church, and we won't leave our priest's high and dry. Father's to be are put through a rigorous training regiment, with advanced studies in accepting the Eucharist and blood, Baptism, as well as advanced Latin studies. Venit, Vidit, Vicit - and boy, did he ever!
Be healed, my children.
As our North American flock, you must be thinking of local, run of the mill church service, aren't you? Well, hold on to your collars! With the recent Black Ops and crushing economic sanctions, our free world has finally begun to crack the shell of Asia, allowing us the opportunity to spread the Word to more people than ever before! You will find yourself leading a missionary expedition into Malaysia, Vietnam, North Korea, or any number of small, insignificant city-states starving for a God to dictate their every moves.
Look at what priest's have done for these poor young girls maybe you can take them further!
Asia not your cup of tea? Perhaps assisting the morally unclean Central American people is more up your alley? These young men and women desperately need the healing touch that only a Catholic priest can possess!
Do you see his pain? Lay your priestly hands on him and give him the relief you know he needs!
Yes, there are many opportunities for a young, hard working man in today's Catholic church. With all the news about sex scandals, improprieties, and thievery, we need all of the young blood we can get! Ignore the headlines, and come read our headline - it's the Bible, and CNN's got nothing on it!