The Mr. T Biography
By: Josh
02.02.01
Before we get into this, jesus isn't their always "something" before we start, why stop now I guess. What was I saying, oh yeah, now anyone (both of you) who's been here before, knows that I like X-ENTERTAINMENT, and I am aware that they have a Mr. T post up, but I thought of this one before it was up. I know I rip them off constantly, but this one was accidental. And the CEO of SUBURBANPUNK wants more action on dot-communism. So here it is, baby - I hate you all, so you might as well GO HERE and at least enjoy yourselves a little before you die. Continuing.
MR. T
NAME: Laurence Tureaud
BORN: May 21 1952
FROM: The Southside, Chicago "Ghetto"
STATS: Ht,: 5-11, wt.; roughly 228 pds.
QUOTE ABOUT HIS SCHOOL DAYS: "I just stared out the window."
PREVIOUS OCCUPATIONS BEFORE "PITYING THE FOOL": Many fools think Mr. T was always
A-Teaming his way into our hearts, but the toughest man in the world would tell
you otherwise. After High School, in College he was a wrestling and football star,
who then went on to the army to become a Military Policeman. Next up was his bodyguard
duties for Muhammad Ali, Steve McQueen and other stars (who I don't give a fuck
about). In the shady, "who am I" period before Rocky, he was a gym teacher and
a bouncer. It was during this stint as a bouncer when Sylvester Stallone noticed
him in a "best bouncer of Chicago" contest and recruited him to be in Rocky 3.
Originally Mr. T was only scripted a few lines, but Sly just liked him too much
to under-use him. In fact, it was in Rocky 3 where "I pity the fool" was spawned.
This all came before The A-Team asked him to be the cuddly BA whom we all know
and love. FAMOUS QUOTES: "I pity the fool" is his most well-known, next to "Jibba
Jabba" his endearing tribute to fools who sputter the mumbo jumbo. Next in popularity
were his use of the phrases "Sucka," and "Fuck you bitch."
 
TWO USELESS FACTS:
1) Mr. T. legally changed his name to Laurence Tero
in 1970, then moved on to Mr. T when he felt people weren't respecting him enough.
As Mr. T, people had to call him Mr.
2) He got his trademark mohawk and beard from an issue of National
Geographic magazine (T man's a subscriber!) when he saw a Mandanika Warrior
with it, and thought it commanded respect.
WHERE'S THE T NOW?: Mr. T has been in a variety of TV movies and inspirational
videos. Most recently he became the TVLand, online, cyberhost, and has hopes of
becoming a reverend in the upcoming years.
There you go E-Dan, now fuck off and leave me alone, if you don't like 'em, don't
read 'em, or just read this one over and over. And fuck the rest of you too, for
that matter, I hate you. I HATE YOU ALL! Except for the Online
Mr. T Resource Archive who supplied me with the photos. Actually I hate them
too, but you understand how the system works. Kiss some ass, suck some dick, and
life will give you what you wish I think is how it goes. I don't know where that
came from, but I apologize for being so rude, even though I hate you all. HATE
YOU! I'M NOT SORRY! NOT AT ALL!
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