Bible Boo Boo'sBy: Josh
I've wanted to do a sermon about Bible contradictions for a while, I had this odd sort of feeling that there was gonna be quite a few, but the wiles of The Shovel sucked me in. The thing is I didn't know it was a topic on many other minds as well, so when I got around to "researching" it, I was disappointed to discover that it was being done to death currently as well. But, you know what? That has never stopped me before and it's not about to, 'sides it's not like anyone's reading this anyhow, right? So, I'm just gonna forge ahead, and pretend I'm making a contribution to this site. Of course I couldn't find any photos that fit with this type of topic, so you have to go without for now.
Of course all of this is other site's content, and I'm sure someone who happened to have taken a few years of Bible Studies could point out the flaws, just as if I'd taken as many years of Bible study to prove it all a crock. I've had theological arguments with religious people, none what you would call "experts" and none have been able to give me anything of substance. My sister took a Bible Study course for a year once, and came out with the assertion that The Bible was merely a finely crafted piece of literature. I find many say that: it's a nice story, but that's all it is: a story. Well, all I have to say is that I bet a lot of people liked Martha Stewart's book.....I'll leave that one up to you. Here's a few of the contradictions that I found, well contradictions I found that other people had found, er, nevermind, just read it.
Okay, Adam seems to have to be the "father" of the race, correct? So, children shall not be put to death for the sins of their father, but EVERY man since Adam is condemned because of the original sin? Hmm, maybe God works in mysterious waysŠŠ.but, so do hallucinogens.
Many people of the thumping persuasion have discredited much of these contradictions as saying that people were confusing the New with the Old Testaments, taking things out of context, or that the people to blame were the writers/translators. And that the person or persons who wrote the bible in the first place were in fact on peyote for the better part of their religious inspiration. But why would the official text-book of religion be to hard to understand, or have so many possible contradictions? God is all-knowing/seeing, he is infallible, and he would've known the second he created the universe that people would pick apart the bible in this manner, so why wouldn't he have stopped it? Corrected it? Explained things slightly better?ŠŠŠyour guess is as good as mine. *cough*doesn't exist*cough*. Moving on -
Heh heh, okay, I may have been sniffing one too many cleaning fluids when I started writing this, I mean, I already assert that God is responsible for everyone's death-ever-anyhowŠ..but that's God ordering them to slaughter babies right there! You don't see that every day. Tee Hee, God: The All "Baby-Eating" Mighty. If he's not off killing the Islrealites, he's gotta find something to kill. You know, if Michael J. fox hadn't have gotten Parkinson's, I would almost have claimed it a just and right world. I can only take so much God, and when you fuck with McFly, you're fucking with us all. Moving on.
Hmmmm, an ABOMINATION TO THE LORD! Maybe God's just got low self-esteem, we've already covered how upset he is with Alcoholic, peyote-addict of a son, he spends millennia killing off his "chosen" people, and creating a surprisingly large number of people who consider him a dipshit, enough to make even Andrew Dice Clay cringe. I'm sure he's down on himself about the whole Platypus fiasco. I know I'd never take anyone seriously who mass-produced something so absurd an animal. *cough*furby*cough*.
How about tempting us with 4 glorious seasons of McFly's Spin City, only to give us Charlie Sheen? God did tempt E-RevŠ.the dirty choir boy-fucker.
Okay, listen people - at THE SECOND OF CREATION, someone who is all knowing, all seeing, and generally smelly, would know the past, present, and future. Sodom and Ghmorrah? Noah's Ark(hmmm, we'll deal with that tomorrow), WWI, WWII, uhm, well Jeez, couldn't God have done anything about this? Yes? No? God works in mysterious ways? Sure, okay, has God's little planet here EVER been at peace?
H-A-L-U-C-I-N-A-T-I-O-N ! You know, I know I'm not opening anyones eyes with any of this, it's just fun to make fun of this stuff. I promise it'll get better next time.
There you go, go defeat God, get a little go-kart made of IRON, and defeat GodŠ..bah, who has the energy anymore? I knew he was a pussyfoot all along.
I take that back, the ENTIRE RELIGION is the problem......I don't remember reading anywhere that sexual molestation should become the norm. Sure, there's just as many, if not more, people out there who molest choir boys, but, nah, just let the fuckers get married or at least send the collection plate around twice and get them a hooker on the Sabbath or something.